


1991

by anillegiblemess



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Break Up, Depression, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Historical References, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-03-01 06:45:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2763548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anillegiblemess/pseuds/anillegiblemess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>and now i just sit in silence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1991

**Author's Note:**

> i just wrote this and idk how to feel about it. kind of a personal piece.

Today, Ivan had given up. 

He laid there, hands loosely grabbing the light blond hair on his scalp, tightening his grip to repress his screams. He tried to once more but empty air came out. He had lost his voice he had been screaming so much before.

And now here he was. Toppled over onto the snow of his country, crying like a child who missed his mother. It was so cold. He hated the cold he hated it here he hated this he hated himself so much. When would it end?

He heard footsteps approaching him, crunching through the snow, approaching Ivan’s head. He looked up at Alfred. Alfred was frowning at him, looking at him disapprovingly. 

“Why did you do it.” It wasn’t a question, more or less a statement. Ivan hardly saw Alfred’s lips move. 

Ivan wiped away his tears but more fell off his cheeks, “P-Please… Help me… Help me, Alfred. I don’t know what to do, please, I love you.” He hurt all over. His bones ached and there were bruises all over his body, scars crisscrossing once more onto his skin. He couldn’t move. 

Alfred shook his head, emotionless, “You knew this would happen. You knew it wouldn’t work. Why did you do it.” 

Ivan knew what this was about. He closed his eyes, grimacing, “What was I supposed to do? My people wanted a change. They asked for it. I couldn’t just sit there and watch them suffer I thought maybe it would be the end I thought maybe I wouldn’t hurt anymore if…” He trailed off, choking back a sob, “I don’t even know anymore…” 

Alfred just looked away. He didn’t answer Ivan, turning his back like he always did. Why couldn’t he forgive him? 

“Please… Please, Alfred, I need help. I don’t care who it’s from I need help.” Ivan grabbed Alfred’s ankles, clinging onto him, a lifeline. He cried into his pant leg, staining it with his tears. Alfred kicked him away and he fell back onto the snow, straining a whimper, proceeding to retch up a heavy cough that racked his shoulders. 

Alfred was glaring at him, “You don’t need my help, you bastard. This is what you deserve. You think you gave what your people wanted?” He began to raise his voice, “You fucking shithead. You nearly killed half your population with that bastard Stalin.” He was screaming, “Citizens of my country made homemade bomb shelters in their backyards just in case you tried to nuke us. We had to teach the kids in our schools to hide underneath their desks as if it would save them from your fucking nuclear bombs. You caused nothing but terror in my country and in many others as well. You deserve this. You fucking deserve this.” He spat into Ivan’s eye. 

Ivan wiped it away, smiling up at Alfred despite himself, “And you don’t think the same thing happened in my country? You self-absorbed idiot…” He struggled to move. He pushed his shaking hands upon the ground and tried to hoist himself up. It didn’t work; tremors had consumed his body, “Alfred… No matter what, though, I still love you… I’m sorry, okay? I’m so fucking sorry for what happened it’s my fault but I’m trying to fix it, you’ll see. You’ll all see.” He forced a wider, crooked smile on his face. 

“Ivan, I don’t love you. I never loved you. Whatever we had at the beginning is gone now, you destroyed it.” Alfred looked at him with contempt, with hatred. 

Ivan had managed to get onto his elbows, but collapsed once more. He tried again as Alfred was turning to leave, done with the conversation, ready to leave him behind, “But Alfred, I… Come back to me, I’m so sorry…” He was fighting back tears again.

Alfred stopped, turning around, pointing a pistol at Ivan’s chest. Ivan stopped. He was still smiling. He had managed to get on his knees, lungs heaving, feeling faint. He outstretched his arms.

“Shoot me.” He whispered, “Do it. Shoot me.” He shivered violently.

And finally emotions came to Alfred’s face. He gritted his teeth, the cold getting to him now, trembling, losing aim. He cocked his gun.

“Forty-five years.” He whispered back. The wind stopped. The whole world was holding its breath, “Forty-five fucking years.” He closed his eyes. Ivan closed his eyes. Alfred pulled the trigger.

Ivan breathed his last breath as the bullet ripped through his chest, blood spraying the white blanket underneath him. Birds were startled from their perches, flying up into the dreary sky in a flurry of feathers. Ivan sagged to the front, his face being smothered by snow. 

Alfred finally opened his eyes again and hesitantly walked forward. He knelt beside Ivan, turning his head so that he could see it. He was still smiling, eyes closed, peaceful at last. Alfred stood, putting his gun away and walking from the scene. 

When he turned back once more clusters of ravens gathered around Ivan’s body. Their jet-black feathers contrasted against the pure snow. They plucked feverishly at his still warm skin, ripping his flesh open and gathering around the exit wound in the middle of his back, bickering over meat portions, pecking each other’s feet and other petty things.


End file.
